Noted cool cat barnowl-nightkiller tagged me for one of those “put your music library on shuffle and list the first ten songs that pop up” adventures. I enjoy this sort of thing. I’m not made of stone. Here’s what my iTunes library barfed out. Please share your results, the internet.
I spent the weekend in Fort Erie. That’s a thing I did of my own free will. It sounds like a scenario where I woke up on the highway with a shopping bag on my face and knife hockey taped to my ankle, but instead I boarded a bus and got out inside the centre of the town.
Heidi Brander - Nancy
Heidi Brander is such a national treasure that she deserves a Mount Rushmore type monument where she’s all four heads.
The 2000s: A magical time to be alive. We landed on the moon for the first time, the printing press was miraculously invented and the mighty dinosaur was toppled by our strategic military alliance with God’s angels. What’s that? None of that happened in the 00s? Well, what did happen that decade? Pop glory, you say? That’s fantastic news!
For the next little while, I’ll be unveiling my Top 200 tracks of the 2000s. It’s what Napoleon would do with his time if he lived in 2014 and felt like dicking around with HOT TAKES on Max Martin written tunes. Before I begin, I’ll point out a few rules, notes and tasteful excuse clusters.
The most important thing I can lay out is that this list is probably completely wrong. I figure that’s something worth pointing out before I even get to track 200. This collection is every bit as hopelessly incorrect as you imagine it is and I can’t believe I snubbed ______ to put in _______ either. Still, I’m ridiculously happy with this goofy lil’ collection of 200 songs and I’m happy to reveal them over the next little while.
I went with a “one song per primary artist” rule. There’s no restrictions on “featuring” acts or musicians with multiple projects. That’s why there’s only one OutKast track in the 200 (WILL IT BE “LOVE HATER???”) but they have the ability to pop up as a featuring act multiple times.
It’s a Jan. 1, 2000 to Dec. 31, 2009 eligibility cove, so no 18th century cantatas from Bach are going to sneak in on my watch. I’ve also banned all songs that I’ve written myself. Amazing mega-hits like “Bears Gonna Party With Snakes,” “Tell Your Friends About Bears Partying With Snakes” and “Tell Your Friends About Partying With Snakes Oh Shit I Dropped The Sack Of Organics Everyfuckingwhere (Reprise)” have been left out in the name of fairness. It’s called integrity.
This should be fun.
Oh Shit, Is That D12? Ranking The Tracks On Now That’s What I Call Music! (Vol. 16 - U.S. Edition) From Best To Worst
America: It’s the place where Stacy Keach and exciting new varieties of Doritos come from. It’s also the land of “20 chart-topping hits!” It’s time for me to fuel up my monster truck, ride up to Mount Rushmore and investigate the majesty that is Now That’s What I Call Music! 16.
(User Guide: The top entry is the Very Best and the bottom entry ranks as the Very Worst.)
Time to wander into the land of dreams. (LAND OF DREAMS! LAND OF DREAMS! COME AND FIND YOUR LAND OF DREAMS! AND IT’S CLOSER THAN IT SEEMS! ROSEANNE CASH KNOWS ‘BOUT YER DREAMS!)