February 2012
6 posts
this isn't twitter: It's that time of week where... →
As a fan of Christi and wrestling, this gets an automatic repost.
christiolson:
Every Monday at 8 o’clock, my otherwise wonderful boyfriend participates in a WWE live blog with our friends Joel and Yates. I didn’t understand wrestling back in the 90s when my sister watched it, and I sure as hell don’t understand it now.
It’s not that I haven’t tried! When we all…
Food And Me Eating It
Today, I attended a vegan bake off. Vegan bake offs (as well as Raw Food Fuck n’ Suck Battles To The Death) aren’t really my thing. Not because I have any ill will towards vegans (I don’t), but because that kind of get-together just exposes how fucked up my palate is. I eat a diet of candy, malt liquor, meat products and things made out of 58% salt. At a vegan bake off,...
Two People That Fucking Get It, Man
Drew Magary is a hero of mine for a variety of reasons. This piece in his most recent mailbag, sent me into a full on powerswoon. Take it away, copy n’ paste.
William:
I am convinced the pretzel people have some dirt on the party mix people. How are pretzels still in party mix? They suck and are always the last thing finished. I usually end up throwing away a bag of pretzels once...
January 2012
7 posts
SNEAK PEEK AT THE NEW DELOCATED OPENING SEQUENCE
I’ve never french kissed God, but I bet it’s still not as good an experience as watching new Delocated episodes.
delocatedblog:
Go here to enjoy some ridiculousness:
http://youtu.be/4pu-ZEinTBw
Slurpee Talk
On social media (the wave of the future today!), I made a pissy comment about my displeasure with the quality of 7-Eleven’s Slurpees in Toronto. To be specific, I said:
Dan MacRae@danmacrae
Hi @7ElevenCanada Is there a reason why all Slurpees in the GTA taste like polio? Is this a regional thing or just several bad locations?
2:18 PM - 8 Jan 12 via web · Embed this...
WatchNikki Payne - 2:42
I have now seen this and my life is so much richer for it.
An Excerpt From My Upcoming Bestseller "Xlybok:...
Chapter 17
The More The Cybergame Changes, The More It Stays The Cybersame
As they walked through the streets of Super Detroit, President Johnny Xlybok could sense that his Secret Service Agent was feeling uneasy.
“What’s wrong Baptiste? Don’t you trust your President?”
“It’s not you I don’t trust, sir. It’s this crazy mixed up world I...
December 2011
15 posts
Guided By Gordon: A Ramble About My History Of...
Hello City. I’m going to be continuing my self-indulgent ramble about my unimpressive (and surprisingly light on ska) history of musical taste. It’s going to be an avalanche of text and Primitive Radio Gods inspired dick jokes, so there’s no shame in passing this by to look at new and exciting developments in the world of streaming pornography. That said, I recommend all my internet pals (Tumblr...
From Kiss to Kanye: Stop Being a Dick and Listen... →
Lovable comic/writer/bon vivant Dan Yates has revealed his musical history secrets and it makes for some excellent reading. There’s talk of influential cousins, Columbia House and the corrupting influence of pro wrestling. Point your computer surfboard in that direction, post-haste.
9 Animals I Hope To See In The Wild Someday
1. Vanillaphant
2. Anti Gravity Turtle
3. Bear With A Lynx For A Tail
4. Kim Jong-il Reincarnated As A Swan Of High Esteem
5. Non Racist Marsupial
6. Tasmanian Accountant
7. Permed Eagle
8. Canary Sinise
9. Sour Cream n’ Onion Snail
A Christmas Tale
The Story Of The Puppy And Kitten That Saved Christmas
Kitten: Let’s save Christmas!
Puppy: Okay!
Kitten: All done saving Christmas?
Puppy: Yes indeed! Thanks for letting me team up with you to save Christmas.
Kitten: My pleasure.
(“Jump Jive & Wail” by The Brian Setzer Orchestra plays while the kitten and puppy dance and tell stories about their favourite ways to...
The It’s Dan MacRae Top 50 Tracks Of 2011
I look forward to panicking and remembering all the things I forgot to put on this list. I’ll probably be holding a priceless vase or baby when it happens. Boy, I’ll look foolish. Well, that’s the price you pay for knocking out silly lists on Tumblr. Onward to the Top 50 Tracks Of 2011 (Earth Calendar).
50. Graham Wright - Potassium Blast
49. The Chemical Brothers -...
Guided By Gordon: A Ramble About My History Of...
Hello City. I’m going to be continuing my self-indulgent ramble about my unimpressive (and surprisingly light on ska) history of musical taste. It’s going to be an avalanche of text and Primitive Radio Gods inspired dick jokes, so there’s no shame in passing this by to look at new and exciting developments in the world of streaming pornography. That said, I recommend all my internet pals (Tumblr...
Guided By Gordon: A Ramble About My History Of...
Hello City. I’m going to be continuing my self-indulgent ramble about my unimpressive (and surprisingly light on ska) history of musical taste. It’s going to be an avalanche of text and Primitive Radio Gods inspired dick jokes, so there’s no shame in passing this by to look at new and exciting developments in the world of streaming pornography. That said, I recommend all my internet pals (Tumblr...
Donny Hathaway - This Christmas
The undisputed...
Royalty I'm Willing To Take Shit From
1. Intergalactic Baronesses
2. Puppy Dukes & Duchesses
3. Sultan Of Skittles
4. King Elizabeth II
5. A Pinball Machine With A Crown On It
November 2011
20 posts
Guided By Gordon: A Ramble About My History Of...
Hello City. I’m going to be going on for a bit of a self-indulgent ramble about my history of musical taste. It’s going to be an avalanche of text and Primitive Radio Gods inspired dick jokes, so there’s no shame in passing this by to look at new and exciting developments in the world of streaming pornography. That said, I recommend all my internet pals (Tumblr enthusiasts and...
Ranking Santa Claus's Reindeer By Attractiveness
9. Blitzen
8. Dancer
7. Rudolph
6. Donner
5. Comet
4. Prancer
3. Cupid
2. Dasher
1. Vixen (Obviously number one because she has a big ass.)
11 Magazines I Would Love To Subscribe To (Aside...
1. Imagined Candy Bar Fiesta Illustrated
2. Plot Recaps Of Boy Meets World As Explained By Dogs With Speech Balloons
3. Scratch n’ Sniff Maclean’s
4. Hustler (For Men)
5. Tiger Beat Magazine (Not the popular teenybopper magazine, but a magazine for people that would like to train tigers to beat up their enemies. By having tigers not use their claws or biting techniques in their...
An Incredibly Broad Recap Of Survivor Series 2011
Match 1: Blonde Confidence (accompanied by Screaming Widow) vs. Parkour Pal
America Belt Contest
Winner: Blonde Confidence (retains belt powers)
Post Match Note: Long Island Tan Man attacked Blonde Confidence After The Match
Match 2: Strong Lady vs. Generic Lady
Sparkle Belt Contest with other ladies of various distinctiveness positioned around the wrestlesquare.
Winner: Strong Lady
...
Let's Make Cuba Gooding Jr. Into Cuba Greating Jr.
I’m a big fan of Cuba Gooding Jr. I think it might be because we have a lot in common. We both like hockey, we both have been mistakenly thought to be homosexual while at sea (in his case it was a movie) and we both like the early filmography of Cuba Gooding Jr. As a fan, I want to see Cuba pulled from direct to DVD purgatory and back into the world of major motion pictures. I’m not...
Got My Dolly Parton On
(I wrote this as part of my Aw NFL Naw column, but I figured I’d post it here as well. I’m feeling all multiposty and junk.)
Today I went to a job interview that was one of those “parade of red flags” type job interviews. I’m desperate for a job (Did you know McDonalds only accepts online applications? I didn’t.), so I’ve been applying for a whole slate of questionable positions....
Fur Of Legal Fury
Here are the ten animals I would give power of attorney to.
1. Bear
2. A Duck Named Andrew
3. Conjoined Buffalo
4. Mouseketeer
5. Timberwolf (only wolves of the timber variety)
6. Snakes Covered In Rhinestones
7. Hilary Clinton In An Otter’s Body
8. Manticore
9. CyberHorse
10. Tooth Fairy
Links 386
I’ve some things that exist in the world of existing. Including a whole assortment of silly business (but not monkey business) over at Bite.
Bite’s NHL Fun Fact Roundup For Fun Fact Enthusiasts And Roundup Enjoyingers
Top 9 Overlooked Canadian Crushes
Also, I interviewed a dog for the Prairie Dog.
I may also have released a single called “Straight Up”, but that was...
I Also Watched Parks & Rec Today
Ontario, please get better milk packaging. The cartons and bags you use would be more appropriate for storing nightmares.
Adjusting To The New Surroundings
One of my current goals is to conquer my issues with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Typing, deleting and retyping that sentence 64 times indicates that doing so may prove to be a trickier proposition than I originally thought.
creelmankid asked: Wait. You moved to Toronto?
On Wednesday I Learned About Black History
It’s Day 2 in Toronto and while I haven’t solved the aforementioned CN Tower mystery, I did get a photocopy-based magazine on black history. I also listened to DMX on my headphones while shopping for a blanket. As soon as I realized that “What’s My Name” was soundtracking my discount blanket search, the iPod’s Shuffle Songs mode tried to cover things up with the...
The New Place
My first day in Toronto has ended and it is with a heavy heart that I must report that I have not yet solved the mystery of the CN Tower. My apologies to the Queen for the delay and I hope to give her and the entire Commonwealth the complete story on how the Aztecs built it.
October 2011
3 posts
