When I was fifteen, I traveled to Alabama for an extended vacation with my grandparents. I enjoyed the trip and can tell you that there are two things I know for certain about Alabama.
1) Residents are living in a state of catlike readiness for the second Civil War.
2) Alabama is filled with morbidly obese people.
The second truth corresponds with my answer to Dane’s question. The best restaurants in the United States of America are buffet joints in the artery-clogged heart of the South.
These restaurants are absolutely dogshit in terms of quality (Michelin stars would engage in a suicide pact before being affiliated with these places), but the maddening hedonism is fantastic. All the buffet places are the same. Grab your NBA backboard-sized plate, layer it in greasy delights, tell your diabetes to fuck off and eat til your heart’s content. Repeat until you’re too sweaty to get a firm grip on your plate.
I cannot overemphasize the level of excess in play. If you wanted to do rails off the sneeze guard, it’d be a-okay. Holding up the line wouldn’t, but it’d be better to do bumps in this setting anyway. I vaguely remember paramedics always being on hand.
The popularity of these buffets result in constant shifts to meet consumer demand. Cleanliness is shoved aside to accommodate for innovations in chicken frying and fried cheese battering. It’s this commitment to excess that makes buffets they Casablanca Records of the American food service industry.
It’s enough to make you want to hop on your motorized scooter and make a break for Mobile.