November 2011
20 posts
Guided By Gordon: A Ramble About My History Of...
Hello City. I’m going to be going on for a bit of a self-indulgent ramble about my history of musical taste. It’s going to be an avalanche of text and Primitive Radio Gods inspired dick jokes, so there’s no shame in passing this by to look at new and exciting developments in the world of streaming pornography. That said, I recommend all my internet pals (Tumblr enthusiasts and...
Ranking Santa Claus's Reindeer By Attractiveness
9. Blitzen
8. Dancer
7. Rudolph
6. Donner
5. Comet
4. Prancer
3. Cupid
2. Dasher
1. Vixen (Obviously number one because she has a big ass.)
11 Magazines I Would Love To Subscribe To (Aside...
1. Imagined Candy Bar Fiesta Illustrated
2. Plot Recaps Of Boy Meets World As Explained By Dogs With Speech Balloons
3. Scratch n’ Sniff Maclean’s
4. Hustler (For Men)
5. Tiger Beat Magazine (Not the popular teenybopper magazine, but a magazine for people that would like to train tigers to beat up their enemies. By having tigers not use their claws or biting techniques in their...
An Incredibly Broad Recap Of Survivor Series 2011
Match 1: Blonde Confidence (accompanied by Screaming Widow) vs. Parkour Pal
America Belt Contest
Winner: Blonde Confidence (retains belt powers)
Post Match Note: Long Island Tan Man attacked Blonde Confidence After The Match
Match 2: Strong Lady vs. Generic Lady
Sparkle Belt Contest with other ladies of various distinctiveness positioned around the wrestlesquare.
Winner: Strong Lady
...
Let's Make Cuba Gooding Jr. Into Cuba Greating Jr.
I’m a big fan of Cuba Gooding Jr. I think it might be because we have a lot in common. We both like hockey, we both have been mistakenly thought to be homosexual while at sea (in his case it was a movie) and we both like the early filmography of Cuba Gooding Jr. As a fan, I want to see Cuba pulled from direct to DVD purgatory and back into the world of major motion pictures. I’m not...
Got My Dolly Parton On
(I wrote this as part of my Aw NFL Naw column, but I figured I’d post it here as well. I’m feeling all multiposty and junk.)
Today I went to a job interview that was one of those “parade of red flags” type job interviews. I’m desperate for a job (Did you know McDonalds only accepts online applications? I didn’t.), so I’ve been applying for a whole slate of questionable positions....
Fur Of Legal Fury
Here are the ten animals I would give power of attorney to.
1. Bear
2. A Duck Named Andrew
3. Conjoined Buffalo
4. Mouseketeer
5. Timberwolf (only wolves of the timber variety)
6. Snakes Covered In Rhinestones
7. Hilary Clinton In An Otter’s Body
8. Manticore
9. CyberHorse
10. Tooth Fairy
Links 386
I’ve some things that exist in the world of existing. Including a whole assortment of silly business (but not monkey business) over at Bite.
Bite’s NHL Fun Fact Roundup For Fun Fact Enthusiasts And Roundup Enjoyingers
Top 9 Overlooked Canadian Crushes
Also, I interviewed a dog for the Prairie Dog.
I may also have released a single called “Straight Up”, but that was...
I Also Watched Parks & Rec Today
Ontario, please get better milk packaging. The cartons and bags you use would be more appropriate for storing nightmares.
Adjusting To The New Surroundings
One of my current goals is to conquer my issues with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. Typing, deleting and retyping that sentence 64 times indicates that doing so may prove to be a trickier proposition than I originally thought.
creelmankid asked: Wait. You moved to Toronto?
On Wednesday I Learned About Black History
It’s Day 2 in Toronto and while I haven’t solved the aforementioned CN Tower mystery, I did get a photocopy-based magazine on black history. I also listened to DMX on my headphones while shopping for a blanket. As soon as I realized that “What’s My Name” was soundtracking my discount blanket search, the iPod’s Shuffle Songs mode tried to cover things up with the...
The New Place
My first day in Toronto has ended and it is with a heavy heart that I must report that I have not yet solved the mystery of the CN Tower. My apologies to the Queen for the delay and I hope to give her and the entire Commonwealth the complete story on how the Aztecs built it.
