I tell jokes and write things because I am bad at sports.warmandpunchy asked: 1) Worst film adaptations. 2) Best streets you've walked down. 3) Biggest moments of schadenfreude.
3 Worst Film Adaptations
1) McHale’s Navy: That said, if you want to see a movie where Tom Arnold plays a guy that is beloved like a deity for being a badass maverick, this is the cinematic experience you’ve been waiting for.
2) It’s Pat…The Movie: Imagine a nine year old boy that is unhealthily excited to see this movie. Now imagine that boy angrily tapping a mini stick on thinly carpeted concrete while watching it in his friend’s basement because the movie is soul-crushingly terrible. Now imagine that boy cheering because he sees Dave Foley onscreen. Now imagine that cheer ending and the angry mini stick tapping resuming. I ask you to imagine these things because I don’t have to imagine them. I was there. I was that boy. Holy fuck, It’s Pat…The Movie is terrible.
3) The Avengers: Please put away your weapons and poisons, I’m talking about The Uma Thurman/Ralph Fiennes adaptation of the TV show The Avengers, not the 2012 Marvel Comics adaptation.
3 Best Streets You’ve (I’ve) Walked Down
1) Main Street, U.S.A. (Disneyland)
2) The Trail Leading To The Sasquatch! Music Festival (George, WA)
3) Government Street (Mobile, AL)
3 Biggest Moments Of Schadenfreude
1) The Saskatchewan Roughriders having too many men on the field in the 97th Grey Cup.
2) Bullies getting their comeuppance. (specifically seeing their face after everyone involved high fives and a boombox playing a cassette of “party music” appears out of nowhere)
3) Every single time Gary Bettman is booed with the fire of a thousand suns and ten-thousand grandsons when he appears in Winnipeg, whether it’s justified or not.
I have other (more personal) schadenfreude tales to tell, so I’ll trade those for barbecue next time I’m in Regina.
Update: John has agreed to this offer.
